remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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