My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
