he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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