My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
