You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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