just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
