She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Ladies don't puke and tell
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
