I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
