I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
should my penis look like a turkey
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
