We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
