wat bout pragnant strippers??
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
