3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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