I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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