But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
