Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
