You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
