I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
