the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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