"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
