he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
