Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i came on her dog
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
