meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
