He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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