plz talk dirty to me
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
