Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
