Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I showed him my bush... on skype.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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