It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
