"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
