is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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