my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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