Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
