I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just found a bag of teeth...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
