There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
