Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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