so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My dick has a subreddit
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
