I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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