drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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