I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I skipped work to stalk him.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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