There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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