I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I understand Curling. That high.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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