When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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