he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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