Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
