I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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