I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
