I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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