Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
