I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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