i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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