After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
