You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
