ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
This house was built for laser tag.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
