So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
