Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
