Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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