I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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