Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
