Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
